Epic of Arthur Weasley
by Whisperwill
Summary: Based on HBP; takes place before the series began.  Arthur walks in on three of his sons trying to make an Unbreakable Vow.  He is highly displeased.  One shot.


**Disclaimer: Ah, if only I owned _Harry Potter_. But I don't. So there. And, as much money as Rowling is making off those books, I'm not making money by posting this fanfiction story.**

**A/N: Originally finished in 2006, I'm guessing. Based on what Ron mentions to Harry in Book 6, chapter 16. Read and review, pleeease!**

**Warning for mentioned (but not explicit) corporal punishment.**

**Epic of Arthur Weasley**

Arthur Weasley was no stranger to parenting; after all, he'd been doing it for nearly fifteen years now. Long experience had taught him to smell trouble before it did much damage. He had been a boy once, and he knew what boys were like. Therefore, when Molly yelled "Supper!" to the general vicinity and everyone but Ron, Fred, and George showed up, he was instantly suspicious.

Here were two reasons to find his missing sons as quickly as possible: one, they never missed a meal, and two, Fred and George's room was much too quiet.

"Arthur, have you seen my wand?" his wife asked, running a hand distractedly through her hair. "I usually keep it in my pocket, but it's not here. . . Where are you going?" she called after him, watching mystified as he strode suddenly from the room.

He took the winding staircase at a run, keeping his voice casual as he answered, "To find the boys." Molly's wand had disappeared, and he would have bet his entire (though meager) savings on where it was.

He opened the door to the twins' room without preamble, knowing that the element of surprise was crucial. Even his long career at the Ministry didn't completely prepare him for the shock of what he saw.

Fred was sitting on the double bed that the twins shared, holding hands with Ron, who was perched on a stool. George stood ceremoniously over them, holding his mother's pilfered wand. It was as if the bride and groom had been interrupted right before the "I do's." All three of the boys froze, caught in the act, expressions guilty. But Arthur had eyes for only one person.

"FRED WEASLEY!"

Ron tumbled backward on his stool as his Mr. Weasley made a dive for the twins. He was frightened; he had never seen his father this angry before. After a bone-jarring landing on the floor, he scrambled to his feet and dashed to the door, making his escape down the stairs. Upon arriving in the kitchen, he beheld his mother staring thunderstruck at the ceiling. To say that the sounds coming from upstairs were alarming would have been an understatement. The twins' howls of pain, combined with Mr. Weasley's unintelligible shouting, created a kind of appalling duet. Terrified, Ron scurried to hide behind Molly, who didn't seem to notice his presence at all. The four children sitting at the table looked as though they might be listening to a murder, or something close to it.

"They must've been _really_ bad," Ginny whispered, hugging her stuffed unicorn to her chest.

Bill nodded in agreement. "Dad's gone mental. Completely _mental_."

When the noise died away to whimpers and Arthur's footsteps were heard on the stairs, Ginny disappeared beneath the table. Mr. Weasley had barely entered the kitchen when the pot simmering near him erupted like a volcano, ejecting a boiling geyser of soup high into the air. His fury was making him lose control of his magic; nevertheless, when he spoke, his voice was quite calm.

"Ron."

As if the word was a trigger, Ron let out a wail of fear and began to sob, clinging to his mother's robes like a lifeline.

"I-I'm s-sorry, Daddy!" he mewled piteously.

"Ron—"

"It was all F-Fred's idea, he said it w-was a brilliant s-spell, he said w-would be fun—"

"Ron. I'm not mad at you."

"Y-you're not?" Ron asked hopefully, raising his tear-streaked face from where he'd buried it against Molly's leg.

"No, I'm not." He picked up his youngest son, wiping the last traces of tears off of his freckled cheeks. "Now, tell me, Ron—this is very important—did Fred make you promise to do something? Anything?"

"No . . ." said Ron, after a pause for thought.

"Did any fire come out of Mummy's wand?"

"No, Fred can't make fire," Ron answered, looking puzzled.

"Did you say the words 'I will' at all? All by themselves, just like that—'I will'?"

Ron shook his head. Mr. Weasley heaved a sigh of relief; his wife, however, gasped.

"They were trying to make an Unbreakable Vow?" she asked, stunned.

"That's right," he replied grimly. "Put supper on hold for a bit, Molly. I need to talk to the children." He stalked into the dining room, shouting, "Fred, George—get down here!"

The twins obeyed, though they remained warily at the foot of the stairs, not daring to get anywhere near their father. Arthur sat at the table, the rest of his brood around him, Ginny and Ron perched in his lap.

"Do any of you know what an Unbreakable Vow is?" he began, sounding rather like a Hogwarts teacher about to begin a lecture.

"A vow that you can't break?" Charlie guessed the obvious.

"Correct—almost. You certainly can't break an Unbreakable Vow and live to tell about it."

"You mean, if you break this Vow thing . . .you die?" Bill asked in awe.

Mr. Weasley nodded soberly. There was silence, until Bill spoke again.

"You little berks," he spat contemptuously in the twins' direction. "Trying to kill your little brother, now, are you?"

"Not _kill_ him!" George cried, looking horrified at the thought.

"Then what were you trying to do?" Charlie challenged, glaring at them.

"Get him to make a promise," Fred answered, as though he couldn't understand why they were all so mad at him. "Ron would've kept the Vow; he always listens to us—" He broke off and shrank back as Arthur stood up.

"You two want to try out every new spell you hear about," their father said quietly. "And you use Ron as your Guinea pig. You don't think about the consequences, or who might get hurt in the process." He looked directly into their eyes, first one twin, then the other. "Your little brother could be dead because of you. Think about that."

Neither Fred nor George was allowed to eat supper that night, having been sent to their room as further punishment. The ever-caring Molly told the story of "Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump" to Ron and Ginny, who were both rather subdued after the evening's events. Life quickly returned to normal, although the children held a new respect for Mr. Weasley. The twins abandoned their experiments on Ron, deciding instead to test out spells on each other. And the matter was largely forgotten until ten years later, when it was retold to a certain someone named Harry Potter. But that's another story.

*** The End ***


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